My Better Half and The Media

A lot of people seem to be concerned that my wife Sarah is getting some rough treatment in the media. Well, to them, I say don't worry because Sarah's been managing this stuff for years. You don't get to be a successful woman in Alaska without some tough questions from the likes of Alaska Woman, Frontier Bride, or Food Smoker Recipes Monthly.

As far back as I can remember, these reporters would be lining up to ask Sarah all manner of questions about her family, life in Alaska, her kids, balancing her career with her family, balancing her career with her aerobics schedule, how to handle bad hair days, fashion tips, and so forth. Some of the tougher questions included things like:

• How do you manage your role as Mayor of the third-largest town in Alaska?
• What special activities do you encourage your family to do to get them through Alaska's long winters?
• What does your husband think of your success?
• How do you keep your kids off meth after the first episode?
• Do you have any special pemmican recipes for the holidays?
• Do you have any fashion tips for expecting brides?
  

Of course, those communists over at the Wasilla Progressive always tried to get her to answer some questions about her policies about birth control, abortion, and some other topics that Sarah though were pretty dang clear if you would just pay attention in church on Sunday morning and then make government follow those rules. Along with that hatchet job article about my uncle's Trading Post, that's why she banned them from her office. Good for her I said. Don't tell me Sarah doesn't know anything about Russian foreign policy. She's fighting communism right here in Alaska.

I guess there are just some in every crowd, but Sarah's a lot tougher than me. I'm not sure that I could handle such hard questions. Usually when I get interviewed by North Slope Petroleum Operator Quarterly or Musher, I just have to answer technical questions like how to how to manage flare lines or on-the-trail splinting techniques.

That's why Sarah really is my better half!

Tight lines,
First Dude Todd

PS Fellas, check out that issue of Alaska shown above! Your wife'll love it because of the article about Sarah, but she doesn't need to know that your bought if for the article about catching barn-door sized halibut in the Barren Islands!

Substance Abuse

My soon-to-be son-in-law Levi comes from a kinda wild family, and I'm not too sure that he has enough role models. I was a little bit the same way when I was his age, until Uncle Dwight Yuu'taak took me aside and gave me a little bit of advice. I think times have changed since my come-clean, as Uncle Dwight called it, but it's pretty clear that Levi needs a little wisdom from the elders. Levi is known to get a little bit rowdy on the beer, which is perfectly understandable for a young fellow who can skate and shoot the puck like he does. But there are 3 things that I'm going to tell him that he really needs to avoid.

First, he should never get caught with more than a quarter pound of weed, and I would say even 2 ounces of that BC Dee-Lite might be too much. It just looks bad, and people in the lower 48 may not understand it. Sure, we have lighter laws up here, and a lot of us use it to get through the winter, but it's all about perception. Plus, with Cheetos at $6.95 a bag over at the Trading Post, this can be an expensive hobby.

Second, avoid the gas. It's just too dangerous, because it never fails that you just get the tent set up when someone comes around with a lighter, which scares the cripes out of you. No gas, Levi.

Third, and this is really a must - meth has to be avoided at all costs. I should say most costs, because if you are a stripper, a roofer, or a Russian crab fisherman, it can actually make you more productive, until all your teeth turn brown and rot and you have to use all your savings to get the nubs pulled and to buy dentures. So, Levi, unless you find yourself in one of those professions, stay away from the meth.

I guess I'm gonna need Sarah to have this same talk with Bristol, although there's no way she could end up as a roofer or a crab fisherman.

Tight lines,
First Dude and Father-in-Law Todd

That's No Moose, That's Greta Van Susteren.

She's interviewing me. You'll see it on Fox.

Cripes, you could see her hair move when she blinked. Good thing she's such a patriot, with her long ancestry of commie hunting.

http://gretawire.foxnews.com/2008/09/12/behind-the-scenes-todd-palin-the-first-dude/

Snowmachine Racing - Better than NASCAR!

I got a letter from Roger in Georgia asking about snowmobile racing. He likes NASCAR and wants to know if I like that too.

Roger, I try to be modest about my racing but I have won the Tesoro Iron Dog snowmachine race four times. The course is difficult but I rely heavily on the Lord Jesus Christ and my native heritage to guide me through the challenges of the track. I’m one-eighth Yup’ik and have some Curyung blood, but I haven’t huffed any gasoline in several years, despite what those liberals at the Wasilla Progressive wrote about me.

As for other motor sports, I am very happy at any endeavor that uses up what we up here on the North Slope like to call ‘black gold’. For NASCAR, I have seen a few races on the satellite but I haven’t gotten too excited. For one, the drivers don’t seem to need to navigate too many ravines, unstable ice shelves, wolf packs, or fallen trees to get to the finish. They seem to just go round and round. And also, the sponsors aren’t something that I can really see helping me push on and all. Home Depot? FedEx? Texas Instruments? How about some real sponsors that make a real product that the racers use, like Dr. Metcalf’s Pelt Salt, Sergei’s Kamchatka Bride Service, or Federal Bear Loads? Back in 2005, I was racing for Nevr-Freeze Fuel Additive but they got shut down due to them finding a couple of barrels at that meth lab in East Wasilla. But that's a different story.

I even busted my arm in one race but got a doctor to brace me up for the finish. Believe me, if I believed in all that Darwin stuff I would think snowmachine racing is one of the best examples of survival of the fittest.

If you ever get a chance to come up here, you should try your hand at NASCAR of the North!

Tight lines and firmpacked tracks,

First Dude Todd