No Passport Required

A lot of Wasilla folks have asked me if I need to get a Passport once Sarah reaches the White House. Cripes, no, I reply, why would I need to have that new 800cc model from Snow Wolf if we're living down in Washington DC where there's no snow? No, not the Snow Wolf Passport, they say, a United States Passport that allows you entry to foreign lands? Well, first of all, if I want to visit a foreign land, I would just take the Piper across the Bering and glance down at Commieland. Second of all, why would I want to spend the taxpayers' hard-earned money to act like a tourist in some liberal country like Paris, where I have to eat cheese and horse entrails? Thanks but no thanks, I say.

But this raises a few interesting points.

First, the United States puts a lot of effort into making friends in other countries and this is often a good thing. For all of our frontier abilities here in Alaska, we don't have 100 million people to assemble toys, circuit breakers, potpourri candles, or other things like that that don't need to be the absolute highest quality like snowmachine tracks or new chainsaw bars. For those of you in the lower 48, the highest quality parts are often made in countries like Sweden, where their dedication to the free market (unlike the socialist liberals) makes sure that they are the absolute highest quality. In the United States, all of the really good stuff comes from companies like Minn-Kota and Johnson, in Southern states like Minnesota where they completely reject liberal philosophies.

Second, sometimes history reverses itself, like what happened in Russia, where that one politician who liberated them ended up in charge of the KBG. I don't know how they brainwashed him, but now it affects everything like the price of titanium that goes into my snowmachine brakes to how many Kamchatka brides we can import annually up on the North Slope. By December, when it finally gets down under 30 degrees here, I'm hoping that the Russians keep the gas prices down. I'm not too optimistic, because it's all a bunch of reformed commies who are trying to extort money for that LNG on the markets. They just don't believe in the free market like us in the U.S.

Third, and this is most important, the United States has a kind of image to keep up and those clowns in Washington don't help. I bet the world thinks that we're completely incompetent with all of these liberals in Washington and how they've been behaving. We're about to go from the ownership society, which was working perfectly well, to a pinko state where the government owns all the banks. Well, that will never happen in Wasilla, because my Uncle Stanley Yuu'taak owns the biggest bank in town, which is the East Wasilla Savings & Loan and Small Motor Repair Depot. He's a trustworthy red-blooded American who is as honest as the day is long. Remember that he was acquited, no thanks to those commies at the Progressive.

I can't wait for Sarah to get to Washington so that she can clean them up for good. Uncle Stanley can't wait either, and he is curious about how many small motors need good repair services down there. I guess we'll just have wait till next January to see.

Tight lines and Tight-Sealed Pistons,
First Dude Todd

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